Here it is 10:17 p.m. at night. I have a rampid of thoughts pouring through my mind. I have had the urge to write – just get my thoughts out onto paper and maybe, just maybe, let someone read them.
I might have felt the inspiration shortly after watching Mom’s Night Out for the first time a couple of months ago. Like before it came out – yes, before – that’s just so my life. Random. Blessed. Full. My friend Christy (who is also a blog writer – www.joyinthedailylife.com ) asked me if I could go with her, since she had gotten FREE tickets. She is SO my friend! What a Hoot! I still laugh just thinking about it and can’t wait til it comes out on DVD! I seen it twice after the release. It is just THAT good of a movie to me. NOW, on the other hand, there is an individual who is related to me and seen it and didn’t care for it – said it was cheesy. Guess that’s a difference of opinion, but I’m learning a lot about those – THAT is JUST what they are. So many people have them. Little know that they aren’t meant for forcing it onto someone else.
Thinking about how much I, personally, try to fit in and then realizing how much we are all molded from the same clay. God is constantly reminding me of that. Yet, although HE made us all out of the same clay -HE still has given us each unique tendencies that make us who we are. We ALL have troubles. We ALL have insecurities. But that just makes us human.
Kim, an amazing individual, who is a mother of five and loves and lives life with passion (well, so I think), was the first one to point this out to me so many years ago – like wow – 9 years?! ago. She would listen to my woes and then tell me who she had talked to prior in the week or day and they had the SAME issues. Yes, the names and drama was jacked up a little more, some less, but STILL THE SAME issues! I was just amazed – here I am 9 years down the road actually seeing it for myself. It’s OK!
But just here in this past week, I have reconnected with a friend, someone I met just over a year ago but is struggling – with life in general. She wanted to come over and talk. I had a couple of visits with her this week – crazy thing is – I did ALL the talking, well most of it, in between cooking and the chaos of having 9 children in my house both times she was here, but it worked for us. So many times we put people in a different category thinking that there is no way their life been affected by illness, lack of finances, short tempers, and those crazy moments that we really think are just happening to us. But yes, I think I was able to ease her mind. Sitting now and reflecting on this shows me how God’s grace and mercy can carry us out of the fire and into the peace – we just have to be willing to have a heart change and be willing to stand out – be different. I was able to share with her that my life is not perfect. I shared with her my journey that I have traveled this past year and then some. She watched me interact with my kids. Yes, I am crazy – wildly – out of control – with my parenting, or so some think. But at the same time, that is who God created me to be. I AM different! My friend reinforced that today – my mom has told me a number of times (more so recently) – there is no one like ME! But that is good! God isn’t into making cookie cutter Christians – HE is into transforming lives. Lives that STAND out and make a difference.
There are many times I feel defeat. I feel as though I have not yet made a difference. I beat myself up. But in THIS moment Here and Now – I know that God has a purpose for my life. For the longest time I just couldn’t figure it out. I thought it was having babies – apparently – a lot of other people did too, as they STILL comment on my brood of blessings and whether there will be more or not. Well, let me tell you – I was standing at the kitchen sink and wiping down the counters around it and it was as if God told me that my purpose was TO make things happen. Like, really?! What kind of purpose was that? Even now, I feel emotional, giddy – did I really hear God tell me that? Was it my imagination running wild? What was I supposed to do with that?
So here I am – trying to make things happen. You know what – I CAN’T. That’s THE message. “I” am not supposed to make things happen – that’s HIS job! I am just a tool used to help others see that life isn’t about carrying it all on yourself. You have to be able to know where to look for the resources, where to find the right people and the timing in which to do it in. HE is using me to help others. HE is using me to show others that their need isn’t so much for me to help them find the right resources and make things happen; it isn’t about what “I” can do but about what HE can do through me AND THEY need Him! It’s really crazy, deep – I hadn’t given much thought about the paragraph above and how it played out for me until I just wrote what I did…….. I stumbled through it. But it feels like it makes sense to me. WoW! just WoW! So God tells me that my purpose is to make things happen – I can ONLY do that through HIM. Here’s why……
Yes, the time is now 11:50 p.m. I have been sitting here for over an hour writing and how else would I be able to have such a whirlwind of a week and be able to sit up this late (last night it was 2:30 a.m.) and still function the next day. THROUGH HIM! Just a week ago and 6 hours – so last Thursday night around 6 p.m. – I was feeling stressed, overwhelmed. It happens a lot. So no biggie, right?! I was told about a job opportunity that could possibly be my “dream” job – ok, well – dream benefits. I had to fill out the application online and get it submitted online STAT. WHILE I am filling in this information – making a resume – trying to remember dates of colleges that I went to and when…..I get a message – “Can you be at the airport at 8 a.m. Friday, for an interview?” I don’t even have the application done and I have an interview! I continue to let Lydia “fix” my hair while I sat at the computer inputing information. Supper was in the oven and ready to eat, except that Silas didn’t want to have our meal – he wanted to fix his own. Let’s just say the microwave macaroni and cheese smells REALLY bad when you don’t add water and put it in a Tupperware cereal bowl. Even that didn’t move me – I was intent on getting this in. After had spent almost 2 hours getting it in, I breathed a sigh of relief.
YIKES!! I couldn’t do that – I needed to plan on how to make the interview happen. Thankfully, Randy was able to go in to work after getting the kids on the bus and I was able to drop Lydia off at my parents. I then spent two hours at the interview filling out paper work and such. I was hired! Uhhh, …….. I remembered – I was filling in for a friend and babysitting her 3 kids and that was when they wanted to start training. I had also started a “job” helping a relative out with sorting files and I could only do that at nights or weekends. And then there is my usual things that I do on a normal basis – such as “elderly-sitting” that I do on Thursdays and Saturdays. So I was able to still plug that in on Saturday, go on Sunday and help my relative with files and then I arrived at Monday.
Nathaniel was supposed to start swim team and because I had just registered him the day prior – we weren’t exactly sure where/when it was going to be, even after talking to several employees at the Y. Thankfully we FINALLY got this sorted out on Wednesday after several phone calls, tears and frustration. My extra children came at 7 a.m. – And, yes, I am recollecting it now – I was at Children’s Hospital from 8:30 p.m. Sunday until around 12:30 a.m. with Lydia, who for the 3rd time in the last month and a half had a constant cough which landed me there, usually around the same time, on a weekend. She was cleared from pneumonia – which she had, along with an ear infection, the previous visit just 3 weeks prior. She was put on another antibiotic and back on the inhaler. We got home and I wasn’t asleep very long it seemed when at 3 a.m. she woke SCREAMING with a nightmare. I was tired.
My extras came, we got through breakfast and lunch. My caring Nathaniel, tried to keep the kids quiet, while watching a movie, while I lay on the couch to catnap. My husband came home – 2 1/2 hours early – so I could go to training. He was then with my extras til 3:30 and then I got home around 10:00 that night. Only to get up again the next day and do it all over again. Mercifully and by God’s grace with little coughing and a bit more sleep than the previous few nights.
Now here I find myself at the end of my week and taking a big deep breath preparing for the next. God is good! HE will carry me through and you know what? if you see someone running through the parking lot on the back end of the cart and suddenly jump on and take a ride – that will be probably be me – cause God made me to stand out and I sometimes just do crazy stuff like that.