The anniversary of my first miscarriage is on Feb. 3. It has been 4 years. The time has passed quickly and it has been on my mind alot about what I took away from the experience.
In losing my baby at 13 weeks it was something that was so foreign to me. Many people commented that it wasn’t a baby, how could one be so attached to something that barely had a start at life let alone one that I would never hold. Yet, when I lost this child – life changed for me and around me. I became more aware of how things mean different things to different people. I gained the insight that feelings are just that – feelings. Just because one person didn’t mourn a loss like you doesn’t mean that it meant any lesser to them.
I have become more aware of what I say to people in situations b/c many times they just want to be heard – not to hear that your aunt Susie went through the same thing 15 years ago. They want to feel validated that they are hurting and that you care. I feel that I have gained the ability to give that person the sake of feeling that hurt w/o feeling as though I know what they are feeling.
Looking back at the last four years – I have also gained 2 more children. I would not have Sarah nor Silas if I would of had this child (or the 2nd one that I lost at 10 weeks on Sept. 4). To know that I have 2 babies in Heaven waiting on me is something that I often think about.
Losing my babies has really made me realize that I am not in control of what happens to me. God has a bigger plan and if it had to happen that I lost 2 babies to get the message – then I am thankful that he did it subtly and I have 4 healthy children to be thankful for each and everyday.
I am grateful that I was able to receive the miscarriages in a positive way and that I have been able to minister to others through my grief. I carry the emptiness of the loss with me each and every day but know that I have gained strength from God to help me deal with it. I have realized that many don’t remember that I still feel the ache from losing my babies and that is ok. It is something that I personally feel and don’t wish to place it on anyone else. But it has made me realize that there are many who have lost loved ones who never truly “get over” the loss. I can empathize with them b/c it seems as though I will never “get over” it – I just have to move on and tuck it into my heart as part of who I am. I feel this has given me a little more sensitivity to someone who has lost someone that they love.
So I ask that if you come across someone who has been through or going through a loss – that you just listen and a simple hug or I’m sorry will be much better than blundering through a series of words that really don’t express how you feel. Allow the person to grieve as we are all individuals and for some it is a short journey and others a lifetime to move on. And for me its ok to talk about my loss – it is a part of remembering my 2 angels that are in heaven and it has helped create the individual that I am today.